By Maeve Fitzgerald

I’ve been bartending for three years in the heart of Boston, a city engulfed in history, diversity, a strong passion for sports and a bit of a superiority complex.   

I’ve spoken to elderly couples about the secret to a long-lasting marriage as they celebrate their anniversary over a cold Sam Adams and a glass of pinot noir. I’ve listened to a 30-year-old man who has just lost his father, drowning his grief in a bottle of Jack Daniels. I’ve laughed with a fiancée on her bachelorette bar crawl as her sash sags and her eyes gloss from the day of celebration. I’ve poured the toasted glasses of a family exploring a new city. I connect with strangers all day, every day.  

It seems only when we are working or intoxicated, we muster up the confidence to connect.   

Today we have cultivated a culture of hyper independency. We have built bustling cities with the main attraction being opportunity and building connections. We chase this vague ideal and end up allowing the endless possibilities of human connection to drown within the confines of a fast-paced, media obsessed and cut-throat culture.  

From behind the bar, a young group of guys will sit and discuss how attractive they find a group of girls at the end of the bar. They’ll sit and discuss as the sun grows wearier and the drink choices get stronger. Only when they’ve reached their fifth drink, will they begin to make the first move: asking me to send one of the girls a shot. How romantic.  

In a world fixated on the amount of story likes we receive, the amount of time we wait to snapchat someone we’re interested in back and how long we should wait before texting after a first date, we have brought the definition of the word “nonchalant” to new, concerning levels. We have created dating apps where we make our decisions off others looks, rather than their souls. I now know your go-to two truths and lie and the tux you wore to a cousin’s wedding before I know the sound of your voice or the smell of your cologne.  

As a result of this normalized obsession with communication via phones, we have created an epidemic of loneliness, social anxiety and depression. The lack of real-life conversational skills we harbor directly affects our loneliness. Without conversation, we lack tone, sincerity and real-time reaction in our connections, all being important indicators of personality.  

Start by getting up from the bar and striking conversation. Get on the subway after work and ask the person next to you about their day. Ask to pet the dog, compliment the stranger’s dress. We must stop measuring our connections in likes and swipes and rather measure life in what we’ve learned and experienced from the people around us.  

Linger at the dinner table, speak to the pretty girl, take the cooking class. Take heed of your life and we all must try to redefine what it is to connect.